The View from Here

December 13:

Post-baby, which bears no small similarity to post-apocalypse, I miss all of the things I thought I would miss.  I miss a peaceful home with no crying time bomb ready to go off.  I miss my calm self.  I miss the ability to step out the door and take a walk, or head to the museum, or really to go anywhere or do anything without a massive outlay of time, trouble and money.

But what I didn't anticipate missing, and do now -acutely- is perspective. Part of what I valued about working so many jobs was that my vantage was constantly shifting: I entered and exited different worlds every day of the week.  There was my home world, my inner city education world, my music world, my teaching world, my writing world...each with its own set of values and tribulations.   A split screen life offers protection: if you don't like what's playing in one window, you can always shift your gaze.

I miss that terribly.  You can glean a little bit of perspective through fiction or the newspaper, but it's not the same.  Now I'm just....here.  Which is tough.  Especially when someone is peeing in the bed.