Scandal

A scandal broke yesterday about someone in my past.  A #timesup, #metoo conflagration, with multiple victims coming forward.  I knew many of them, and had even talked, in passing, to some of them about what came to light.

Thus I have no doubt the allegations are, at least to a greater extent, true.  And I'm grappling with that.  I knew about some chunk of what came to light, but I'd somehow failed to categorize it for what it was: sexual harassment and abuse of power.  I'd thought it was unfortunate, and definitely wrong, but ultimately it was something you simply rolled your eyes at and dealt with.

Partly this was because I didn't know everything.  But what else was holding me back?

I must reckon with the fact that, at least partially, it was because the victims were men.

And I must reckon with the fact that, at least partially, it was because the perpetrator's influence in my own life was positive.  More than that- wholly and substantially positive.  The perpetrator was someone who believed in my musicianship, encouraged me, and advocated for me.  He played a small part in helping me become who I am.

We are more than the worst of ourselves.  But when does the worst of ourselves overgrow the rest?