Ambiguous Loss

Can I tell you how unutterably difficult it is to have lost my father?  Lost is at once the right word and the wrong word- he's still here, physically, but mentally he is not the man who raised me. For a long time, in the early stages, I was able to see flashes of that man; as things progress, I see less and less. I feel bad for not loving him completely as he is now, but I miss him terribly as he was: the single person in my life, past and present, who was always and unequivocally in my corner, forever and profoundly on my side. 

I miss you, Dad.