Thursday, April 28, 2011

So True

The apprehension of universal truths through personal experience is no fun.  I mean, isn't the point of an aphorism to spare you from the consequences of discovering in real time what happens when you stick your finger in a candle flame, or drive across a flooded road, or date the mentally ill?

Axioms, tenets, proverbs, almanacs: Guideposts on the pot-hole-riddled, grime-encrusted, badly-maintained-yet-perenially-under-construction-and-bearing-a-startling-resemblance-to-the-craptastic-byways-of-Richmond-VA road of life.  I collect them, clutching truths to myself like a grandmother shielding her collection of Precious Moments figurines from the approaching tornado.  Still, every so often, I learn the hard way.

As when, enticed by the seductive salty saltiness of salty salty delicious salt water, I decided it would be a good idea to drink the concoction I'd been gargling to alleviate sore throat.  Salt water turns out to be startlingly effective emetic.  WHO KNEW?!  Apparently everyone else.

As when, hoodwinked by an overly optimistic church-junkie-cum-husband, I decided I could stomach attending a quick 1.5 hour Easter vigil if it were followed by ice cream sundaes. 3.5 hours of liturgy later, I staggered forth, ears numb, eyes red-rimmed, throat raw, brain befuddled, to collapse face-down in a carton of melted vanilla.  Who knew Easter vigil was so GOD-AWFULLY LONG AND FULL OF CHURCH STUFF?!  Yeah, that's right.  Everybody.

As when I leave home and miss it, terribly.


Sinden said...

Oh, whatever. It was two and a half.

wombat said...

I was chatting online with you during The Salt Water Incident. It was alarming. But probably not as alarming for me as it was for you.

Mara said...

Shout out to Sinden! I love the Easter Vigil! It's just so interesting! All 2.5 hours of it! (! gratuitous exclamation point)