I don't really like to publicize my New Year's Resolutions. (I don't really like to publicize much of anything, though I recognize that's an odd assertion for someone with a blog to make. It's just that I like to sit on my secrets; you never know what they might hatch.)
Still, those Puritans had something when they stitched that scarlet A onto poor Hester's chest: there's nothing like a little public exposure to GRIND YOU INTO DUST. Oh, sorry, I meant to help you keep your New Year's Resolutions. I made three this year, and I'm sharing, in a special limited-time offer, one. The most embarrassing, dire, dismally earnest one, though. Does this qualify as public indecency yet?
See, I don't believe it's an accident that resolution and revolution share a passel of phonemes. The essence of every New Year's Resolution is revolt: turning against the great dark army of your natural tendencies and fighting them off using only the dinky little saber that is your will.
En garde, cookies! To me, frontal lobe!
Any time you make a resolution, you're walking widdershins, traveling against the grain. For 2009, I figured I'd leave off skirmishing and take on the big kahuna, the citadel, the dark fortress of my personality: snarkiness.
Every day this year I vow to come up with one thing for which I am truly, earnestly, saccharinely grateful. And list it. This despite the fact that the idea of making such a list makes me want to keel over, vomit, and/or deface stuffed animals. I'm resolved, folks. I'm holding my hand in the boiling vat of earnestness until somebody gives.
And I'm doing it in public. See sidebar.