After 4:00 AM, I don't mind losing sleep quite so much. During the first part of the night, or the black middle, failing to drift off feels crushing, a deeply personal lapse committed against the backdrop of the universe's unstinting indifference.
But after 4:00 AM, acceptance creeps in. You may as well get up, because you're not sliding back into unconsciousness anytime soon. Though it's still pitch dark, the birds are restive.
And you are alone.
I get up and pad as noiselessly as I can through the darkened rooms of my house. The HVAC system is quiet. The rain has lifted. Everyone else is asleep. Even the cat, who never sleeps and yet always seems to be some degree of comatose -miraculous in the commonplace way of cats- lies still. In an hour or two, my obligations will snap shut around me. But not quite yet.
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