Saturday, May 21, 2011

In Parts

So maybe this is a "female" problem, a la hysteria, or barrenness, or husbands -but I have trouble pinning down who I am.

I realized this when I joined a loosely affiliated community of SLPs on twitter.  I'd post something directed at that group and discover that the poster sounded nothing like the me who posts to a readership of music friends, who in turn sounds nothing like the me who runs workshops or the me who slaps stuff up on my blog.

"Six IEP meetings!" the SLP me tweeted.  "I've got my work cut out for me!"  The SLP me is wholesome, enthusiastic, serious, and ever-so-slightly Stepford.

"Unfortunately the only folks who are interested in the question of whether classical music is relevant are, um, classical musicians."  The musician me is snarky, irreverant, and sub-clinically depressed.

"How can I get me a mitre?" Yeah, that one's just me.

Job is supposed to be identity, but what if you've got four jobs?  Does that automatically relegate you to a schizoid, fragmented existence, or can you integrate those disparate identities into a single, functioning self? 

I think a lot of women face this challenge, though most probably restrict themselves to a single career plus mommyhood.  It doesn't help that I've been keeping each of my career selves neatly compartmentalized, like office supplies in a tray.  I don't mention to the SLPs that I'm a musician (it confuses them).  I don't tell the musicians that I'm an SLP (it makes them scornful).  And I don't tell ANYONE that I blog.

I feel like I need to come out of the closet, somehow, only I'm not sure what I'm hiding.  And I kind of like the coat hangers.


Pam said...

One of the teachers at school said that a happy hour they were discussing me. They combined my foodie, photography, teachering, sewing, readering, bloggeringness and called me a renaissance woman. Works for me. Also, I had 16 IEP meetings in a day and a half. I win.

Anne said...

16?!?! You win, Pam! Not sure what you've won, exactly, but....