Sunday, October 31, 2010

Don't Tread on Tea

I generally try to avoid politics on the blog. It's not that I'm I'm apolitical -I vote with the zeal of a Jonestown koolade guzzler- it's that I'm fed up. The problems of our city and state and nation and world are real, and problems require problem solvers. But problem solvers are not very entertaining, and politics has basically become wimpy reality TV. We vote people off the island with more forethought than we give to pulling the lever at our respective polling places.

(That's if we can find our polling places. And if we haven't decided to skip the election in favor of WWE-Smackdown.)

Still, there comes a time in every woman's life when she must take a stand, and mine is now: The Tea Party is kind of awful. There's the whole hopped-up-on-righteousness thing, for starters. There's the profound distrust of rational thought, the favoring of rhetoric over substanstive comment. But worse, far worse, is this: They have no tea.

I've looked. I've looked because I love tea parties! I love the ceremony, the heating, the steeping, the pouring. The finger food! The cucumber sandwiches! The tiny china cups and the carefully calibrated conversation!

I keep eyeing Christine O'Donnell's campaign aides, to see where they're hiding the cream cheese and watercress triangles. Is that angry fist shaking, or could it possibly be the sipping of phantom cups? "Real Americans" drink tea with their middle fingers out, right?

Buzzfeed published pictures of their 100 favorite Rally to Restore Sanity placards today, and of all the signs, shown here, my favorite, by far, is the one that reads, "I want a sandwich." Because, by golly, we need sandwiches! Smoked salmon and dill, followed by fig and goat cheese and then a foray into classic cucumber! On fine-grained bread! With the crusts cut off! Party at my house!

Everyone's invited. Bring tea.

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