Saturday, March 21, 2009

I'm with Stupid

There are a lot of memes circulating about how many places you've traveled, how many brave things you've done, and how many important life milestones you've achieved. I much prefer this meme, about how much stupid shit you've perpetrated. It's far too long, of course, but it does offer an unparalleled opportunity for mild public self-abasement.

Directions:
Mark the things you've done.
Calculate your total by counting the number of questions you marked.

1. [X] Forgotten to put the lid on the blender
2. [ ] Gotten your head stuck between the stair rails
3. [ ] Broken a chair by sitting in it
4. [X] Had gum fall out of your mouth while talking
5. [X] Choked on your own spit while talking
6. [X] Had people accuse you, falsely, of blondness
7. [X] Been caught staring at your crush by your crush
8. [X] Have looked for something for 5 min. before discovering it in your hand
9. [X] Tried to push open a door that said pull. More times than you'd dream possible.
10.[X] Tried to pull open a door that said push. Ditto.
11. [ ] Believed someone who said they knew how to make a love potion. UM.
12. [X] Hit yourself while trying to hit something else
13. [X] Fallen UP the stairs
14. [ ] Exploded marshmallows in your microwave
15. [X] Gotten gum stuck in your hair
16. [X] Had gum fall out of your mouth while you were trying to blow a bubble
17. [X] Had the juice from a mini tomato squirt out and hit someone.
18. [X] Had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard
19. [X] Called one of your good friends by the wrong name. It's always fun to call people "Mom."
20. [ ] Skinned your toe playing soccer or kickball wearing flip flops. I would never voluntarily subject myself to sport.
21. [X] Gone out in public with a sticker on your forehead. Also on my rear end.
22. [ ] Fallen out of a moving vehicle.
23. [X] Run into a closed door. More than once. Sober.
25. [X ] Searched for your cell phone while talking on it
26. [X] It has taken you longer than 5 min to get a joke
27. [ ] Gotten your hair stuck in a blow dryer
28. [X] Gotten your hair stuck in a fan
29. [X] Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk
30. [ ] Said "5:30 o'clock" or "6:15 o'clock."
31. [ ] Stepped in dog shit after someone told you it was on the ground
32. [ ] Worn a white shirt when you knew it was raining
33. [X] Walked up to a stranger because you thought he or she was someone else. Before I got my contacts, this was a daily ritual.
34. [ ] Been kicked out of a grocery store
35. [X] Touched the stove, the curling iron, a hot pan, etc., when it was on
36. [X] Taken off your clothes to change into something else before accidentally putting the old clothes back on
37. [X] Wondered why something wasn't working, then realized it wasn't plugged in. Oldie but goodie! I recently called tech support at work and ascertained with their help that I wasn't plugged into the Internet.
38. [X] Put the cereal in the fridge, or put the milk in the cupboard. I found my lost mitten in the freezer last year.
39. [X] Walked into a pole. Also two different trees.
40. [X] Worn two different earrings or shoes by accident
41. [X] Put your shirt on backwards/inside-out without realizing it, then left the house
42. [ ] Tried to take a picture of someone's eye with the flash on. Who does this?
43. [ ] Gotten a ring stuck on your finger because you put it on even though you knew it was too small. No. This is one of my secret terrors.
44. [X ]Walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe. Hell yes.
45. [X] Gone to go do something but forgotten en route what that was.
46. [X] Drunk someone else's drink
47. [X] Fallen out of your chair while attempting to pick something up
48. [ ] Poked yourself in the eye
49. [ ] Gotten in the shower with your socks on
50. [ ] Melted your hairbrush while blow drying your hair
51. [ ] Crafted a stupid things test
52. [X] Accidentally stabbed yourself with a pencil
53. [X] Sung the wrong verse to a song without realizing it. Tragically, the "Batman smells" version of Jingle Bells is indelibly etched into my brain.
54. [X] Given an odd answer to a question because you didn't hear it and were too afraid to ask for a repetition.
55. [X] Told someone you were the wrong age because you temporarily forgot how old you were.
56. [ ] Looked into an overhead light purposefully while it was on
57. [X] Gotten ready for work/school on a Saturday
58. [X] Forgotten your own phone number
59. [X ] Tripped on a cord after someone told you to watch out for it
60. [X] Laughed at a joke no one else thought was funny. Story of my life.
61. [ ] Done the Macarena to the electric slide or vice versa.
62. [ ] Said "funner." Please, people. I have my pride.
63. [ ] Repeated yourself at least twice in the same sentence
64. [ ] Brought up an inside joke with the wrong person
65. [X] Didn't do the backside of an assignment because you thought that there wasn't one
66. [X] Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions
67. [ ] Corrected someone's grammar/pronunciation, then figured out you were wrong. I is never the wrongerator!
68. [X] Put something in a special place for safekeeping, then forgotten where it was
69. [ ] Put ice in your drink after the glass was full of liquid
70. [X] Told a lie, forgotten what you'd said, and gotten caught
71. [ ] Pulled goggles away from your face and let go.
72. [ ] Forgotten to make sure that the lamp was off before you replaced the bulb
73. [X] Run into a door jamb. Especially when attempting nonchalance.
74. [ ] Told someone you never do stupid things immediately prior to being stupid
75. [ ] Told someone to watch out for an obstacle, then run into it
76. [ ] Licked playground sand
77. [ ] Repeatedly flicked yourself with a rubber band. There's an oddly masochistic subtext to this quiz.
78. [X] Been accused of drunkenness while sober
79. [ ] Been so hyper you scared people
80. [ ] Put duct tape on your body, then pulled it off to see if it would hurt
81. [ ] Put duct tape on someone else's hair
82. [ ] Put a clothes pin/hair clip on your lip
83. [ ] Sat and wondered why men's dress shirts have a loop on the back
84. [ ] Made up a code name for someone
85. [ ] Gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair
86. [ ] Used a straw to blow the wrapper at someone
87. [ ] Shaved your tongue because you thought your taste buds looked funny
88. [X] Used your spoon as a catapult
89. [ ] Flung forks at people in a restaurant. OK, these are just odd.
90. [ ] Tripped and made the waiter drop the food.
91. [ ] When writing, you move your head back and forth with your pen/pencil
92. [ ] Drawn finger puppets on your fingers then named them
93. [ ] Wrapped someone in toilet paper
94. [X] Inadvertently used another person's toothbrush
95. [X] Started to tell a story but forgotten what you were talking about
96. [X] Read a whole book without paying attention. Hello, Heart of Darkness.
97. [ ] Spelled your own name incorrectly. Absolutely not.
98. [X] Looked for pictures in the texture of the ceiling.
99. [ ] Used your calculator as a form of communication
100. [ ] Popped a balloon in your mouth

51/100 = More stupiderer than not.
And you?

2 comments:

Sinden said...

"I found my lost mitten in the freezer last year."

Really? Then whose mitten did I find?

cep said...

37. That's what we electricians like to refer to as a "High Impedance Air Gap."

96. I thought that was just my problem with Heart of Darkness. Glad to hear I'm not the only one.