Sunday, August 31, 2008
There's Quinine in it!
Earth-shattering discovery of the morning: I like tonic water.
I mean, I REALLY like tonic water. If I could carry a pack of tonic water everywhere with me, sipping between syllables from a plastic tube taped to the inside of my left arm, I would. There are the bubbles, the evanescent sweetness, the anti-malarial properties...let me count the ways! (That would be three.)
Why have I been heretofore unaware of my abiding adoration of tonic water? Because I had only ever drunk the stuff with gin. See, I like gin and tonics (premise). Gin and tonics are made up of gin and tonic (premise). Therefore, I must like gin and I must like tonic (conclusion) because if you like something, you like its constituent parts in equal measure (implied premise sneaking around in the argument- ALARMING!!!)
Even more alarming is the fact that it's barely afternoon and I am already blogging about cocktails and syllogisms (in combination, no less). Ah well: we do what we must in pursuit of Truth. And I am happy to report that, thanks to a lucky accident involving my own absent-mindedness and the resemblance of the bottle of tonic water, when viewed using peripheral vision, to a piece of bottle-shaped cheese, I have finally become wise to this great logical fallacy lurking my life. I don't much like gin, as it happens: it tastes of rancid pine needles. I do like gin and tonics, yes, but I like them because tonic water is the nectar of the Gods.
Sitting here nursing my fourth tonic water of the day, I can't help but wonder how many other false assumptions we make about why we like what we like (there's a hidden assumption here, too, that my tonic water incident is an allegory for larger life issues, but never mind). You might think you love music when you really crave the praise and attention of the audience. You might think you want children when what you really want is the approbation and support of your community. You may think you love John Q. Smith, when really you love that he laughs at your jokes.
Life is damn sneaky. I need another tonic water.