This from Jeremy Denk's blog:
This sense that the composer has abandoned you for the relatively serene realm of the grave and that you, who have chosen to program and perform piece X, are the only one left stressing about it: can anyone propose a name for this State of Mind, for this ongoing Lonely Predicament.
It's like the Composer and You are accomplices in some crime, but the composer zoomed off in his getaway car of death and left you alive to take the rap. That (in sum) is what being a performer is all about. You're the patsy.
I was bemused to discover, in the course of my cyberstalking, that Jeremy Denk and I graduated from the same too-many-majors program at the same institution of higher learning. I think I will crown Jeremy Denk my new celebrity pseudo-crush (sorry Alex). Now I just need to find a picture on the Internet to make sure he's not troglodytic.