Thursday, January 24, 2008

On Heath Ledger

Actually I could care less about Heath Ledger, apart from being sorry, in that too-bad-your-grandmother's-cousin-twice-removed-kicked-it way, that he's dead. But it's become painfully clear that what I need to do, four days and seven hours into my brand-new full-time job, is cuddle up to my space heater, slurp some grape nuts, and reference, in an exquisitely lame way, Heath's pre-Brokeback career. To wit: Ten Things I Hate About Kids. Yes, kids are cute. Yes, kids are funny. Yes, kids are better company than many adults. But still:

1. Snot
2. Boogers
3. Limited vocabulary
4. Inability to discourse on current events
5. Booger-eating
6. Ungodly fascination with miniature cars
7. Dora the Explorer
8. Drool
9. Regrettable attempts at witty banter
10. Tiny bladders

All of which pales in comparison to the Number One Thing I Hate About Me, which is that I'm a sucker.

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